The Norm of Preparation for Marriage

“Marriage preparation has to be seen and put into practice as a gradual and continuous process.” St. John Paul II wrote these words in Familiaris Consortio (On the Christian Family in the Modern World). In this exhortation, he introduced the concept of a three-stage marriage preparation process(Familiaris Consortio, 66):

  1. Remote
  2. Proximate
  3. Immediate

Preparation for the Sacrament of Marriage, issued by the Pontifical Council for the Family explains these stages as follows,

  1. Remote Preparation

“Remote preparation includes infancy, childhood and adolescence and takes place first of all in the family” (22). It is in the family where children learn “respect for all human values in interpersonal and social relations” and are formed in “character, self-control and self-esteem, the proper use of one’s inclinations, and respect for persons of the other sex” (22). Additionally, parents are the primary formators of their children in Christian spirituality and catechesis, including education in chastity and self-giving love. “Formation should arrive at a mentality and personality capable of not being led astray by ideas contrary to the unity and stability of marriage” and equip children with the knowledge to defend God’s plan for human sexuality in a culture hostile to the faith (27).

Pastoral support needs to assist parents in this mission so that their example of marital love “becomes a real witness for those who will marry in the future” and should provide “stimulus, support and consistency in kind of Christian lifestyle” (26). The document further says that a “Christian lifestyle, witnessed to by Christian families, is in itself a form of evangelization” and is the “very foundation of remote preparation” (28).

  1. Proximate Preparation

“Proximate preparation takes place during the period of engagement” and should offer the couple the opportunity to “deepen the life of faith, especially regarding knowledge of the sacramentality of the Church” (32). Evangelization is an important part of this stage “in which the faith must involve the personal and community dimensions both of the individual engaged persons and their families” (32). In this stage of the process, any difficulties the couple may have in living a faithful Christian life should be identified.

The engaged couple should be made aware of the natural requirements of God’s plan for marriage: freedom of consent, the exclusivity, unity and indissolubility of their marriage and the openness to life of every act of marital union (35). They couple should also be helped to understand “psychological and/or emotional shortcomings they may have, especially the inability to open up to others, and any forms of selfishness that can take away from the total commitment of their self-giving” (36).

In this manner, this period is for “theological study but also for formation during which the engaged, with the help of grace and by avoiding all forms of sin, will prepare to give themselves as a couple to Christ who sustains, purifies, and ennobles the engagement and married life…making love grow” (37). “Since Christian love is purified, perfected and elevated by Christ’s love for the Church (cf. Gaudium et Spes, 49), the engaged should imitate this model and develop their awareness of self-giving which is always connected with the mutual respect and self-denial that help this love grow” (40).

  1. Immediate Preparation

Immediate Preparation consists of the following components:

A synthesis of previous preparation (doctrinal, moral, spiritual)

Experiences of prayer (retreats, spiritual exercises)

Liturgical preparation with the active participation of the engaged

Sacrament of Reconciliation

Canonical discussions between the priest and engaged couple. (50)

“It is important that…[engaged couples]…know that they are uniting themselves in marriage as persons baptized in Christ, and they should behave in conformity to the Holy Spirit in their family life” (53).

Marriage preparation as envisioned by St. John Paul II is a gradual and continuous process from the birth of the child through adolescence to young adulthood. The family is where the primary work of marriage preparation takes place. The parents of the child play a critical role in modeling godly Christian marriage for their children. May the Lord bless your marriage so that the light of Christ’s love for His bride, the Church, may shine brightly through your love as husband and wife.

The Steps in the Immediate Preparation of Marriage

  1. The Interview

Typically, the couple desiring to be wed will schedule an interview with the priest prior to Pre-Cana (or pre-wedding) as the first step toward walking down the aisle. Many aspects of your wedding may be affected by a decision to get married in the Catholic church—your dress, your bridal party, venues, among others—so meet with your parish priest right away. It is not the parents who should meet the parish priest but the couple intending to marry. Parents can accompany them, but parents cannot substitute them in the essential stages of the marriage preparation.

  • Initial Interview

“The first thing that the couple should do if they want the wedding approved by the Catholic Church is contact the parish priest before anything else.” This is the perfect time to raise questions on the specific requirements of that parish in terms of documents, to schedule sessions with the priest, and to establish other logistics like possible dates, how to book the church, and more.

It is likely that the priest conducting your marriage prep will be different from the priest officiating your wedding for multiple reasons: schedule discrepancies, changes in parochial assignments, and, the most important, destination weddings or a wedding in a place other than where you reside. The priest conducting your marriage prep should be the one who is most frequently accessible to you geographically.

Interfaith marriages also need to be disclosed to the priest during this interview. Though there is no obligation for the non-Catholic to convert, the Catholic has an obligation to raise the children as Catholics and the non- Catholic needs to be informed of that.

If you’re planning a destination wedding, coordinate immediately with the priest from the parish where you intend to get married and ask what the requirements are to make sure you cover all of them with your designated marriage prep priest.

  1. Prenuptial Investigation

After the initial meeting, a couple will undergo the Prenuptial Investigation, an individual interview conducted by a priest under oath. “The purpose of the investigation is to establish their understanding of four basic [tenets] about marriage:

  • Free to Marry—you enter into it freely
  • Indissolubility—it’s permanent
  • Unity—it’s exclusive
  • Prolife—it’s open to children

Because the Church believes that marriage is a permanent covenant with God, parishes tend to be strict about remarriage so this is where priests confirm that neither party had been previously married. If you or your partner were married before and the marriage did not end in an annulment, or if the ex-spouse is not deceased, some churches may not perform the ceremony. If this is the case, talk to the priest about your possible options because certain legal steps may be required before a couple can proceed.

  1. Requirements

The Code of Canon Law explains that marriages should be held at the parish of either the bride or groom, which is why many couples opt for a church in their hometown. Other couples might opt to become members and parishioners of their local church prior to beginning the planning process. Create a checklist of requirements from your local church as well as a schedule to make sure there are no surprises later on. Unless at least one party is registered in a Catholic parish with a Family Book permission will not be granted to marry in a Catholic Church.

  1. Required Documents

Matrimony requirements can vary from church to church. Many will require proof of baptism, communion, and confirmation. Most churches will have records of participation in these sacraments, so you can request a copy from the specific church where you had the sacraments. If that’s not possible, don’t worry! Many priests will allow affidavits from two witnesses per sacrament. At the point of booking the Church for a particular date the party that is not from the parish of the booked Church must submit a letter from the Parish Priest that one belongs to. The motive is that both Priests/Pastors are informed of their parishioners getting married and that they need to be pastorally accompanied. The certificate of participation in the pre-cana conference issued by the archdiocesan Family Apostolate should also be included once it is completed on a later date.

In case of mix marriages or disparity of cult marriages the dispensation forms must be obtained prior to the marriage. Also, if one party belongs to a non-Catholic Christian denomination a Baptism/Confirmation form and a letter from the respected pastor must be submitted. If it is a priorly registered marriage the permission form of the bishop must be submitted at the documentation process to the Parish Priest. Priests who conduct marriage prep typically have a file of all submitted documents.

If you’re getting married in a different parish, it’s the priest’s role to send out the documents to the parish where the wedding will be held about a month and a half before the wedding date. In addition to the Church Documents civil documents are required such as the National Identification Card, in case of non-Catholics, an attestation of unmarried status from the Grama Niladari, the Government permission form (Pink Form) and in case of a divorcee the civil certificate of divorce and if a Catholic the certificate of Marriage Annulment from the Diocesan Marriage tribunal.

  1. Pre-Cana

After submitting documents, couples will then undergo Pre-Cana, which is the required marriage-preparatory program provided by the church. Depending on the diocese, the Pre-Cana program may have different permutations of the following requirements: multiple sessions with a priest, attendance in a mandated activity like a conference or a retreat, and/or more active involvement in the church.

It includes sessions with a priest and a team of trained lay couples, aside from guiding the couple on what the church teaches about marriage, in these counseling sessions, couples will be asked about current and potential issues in the relationship including handling finances, navigating future in-laws, social behaviors, or any issue that could be an impediment to faithfulness or fulfilling one’s role as a spouse. If the priest finds any “impediments” to marriage or to fulfilling the spousal role, he has the prerogative to recommend a session with a psychologist or a counsellor to address certain issues before moving forward with the marriage prep.

What Are Catholic Marriage Preparation Classes?

All dioceses require couples to undergo courses for marriage preparation. Holy Matrimony is a life-long commitment and a Sacrament. Because it is a Sacrament, it actual confers God’s grace on those who are married. For that reason and because it is irrevocable, Catholic couples must be prepared before entering into a marital union. These classes are often called pre-cana classes.

What Is Pre Cana Catholic Class?

Pre Cana Classes are marriage preparation classes for couples to take who are preparing to receive the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony. Catholic marriage preparation classes are called “pre cana” classes in reference to the town of Cana, where our Lord performed His first public miracle at the Wedding of Cana.

What Do Catholic Marriage Classes Consist Of?

Catholic marriage preparation classes focus on marriage as a Sacrament and not a mere civil ceremony. Classes cover the purpsoe of marriage, the duties of husbands and wives, the importance of Catholic weddings, the Church’s teaching on contraception and natural family planning, and more. Couples will consider family goals, financial goals, confliction resolution, and much more.

How Long Are Catholic Classes for Marriage?

Catholic marriage classes can range from several sessions to one single class ranging from one to two days. The online Catholic Marriage Classes are also held during the pandemic. This course is for individuals who are already confirmed Catholics. Someone looking to receive Holy Matrimony who is not confirmed should first become Catholic through RCIA classes.

Is Confirmation Required for Catholic Marriage?

If you have not yet received the Sacrament of Confirmation, you must first receive Confirmation. With only limited exceptions, Catholics who receive Holy Matrimony must be confirmed. If you need to first study for Confirmation, enroll yourself in the parish RCIA program of ours and the RCIA team will help prepare you, by happily providing Confirmation Preparation courses.

  1. Church Availability

Prior to determining a wedding date, you’ll want to ensure you have a calendar of holidays and events from your church. There are many holy days and other observed holidays that you may not know about, which can affect church availability.

“Technically a couple can get married just about any day except Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and Holy Saturday, but the question is, practically speaking, when can they have a wedding mass. A wedding mass is a particular kind of mass. It can only be said when there’s not a bigger feast like a Sunday or Easter.” Parishes that are bigger tend to have more masses on Sundays, which may mean a Sunday wedding is unlikely. Liturgical seasons must be kept in mind such as season of Lent, Advent, and the Church feast. It is discouraged to make reservations on such seasons.

  1. Dress Code

Almost all churches require more modest cuts and garments. If you’re getting married in a Catholic church, you may have to rethink plunging necklines, sheer panels, deep-back gowns, and high slits. Just reserve these silhouettes and designs as a second dress at the reception avoiding wearing them in the Church ceremony! Also, Catholic churches require shoulders to be covered and a veil covering the head with a light face veil. Ask about this prior to dress shopping. If you’ve had your heart set on a strapless or thin-strap gown, you can select a complementary shawl, wrap, or cover to wear while in the church and incorporate it into your bridal look, no short dresses going above the knee are permitted to anyone in the bridal retinue.

  1. Ceremony Structure

The Catholic Church will request that the maid or matron of honor and best man be of the Catholic faith. Non-Baptized persons will not be permitted to take leading roles in liturgy or entering the sanctuary. Be certain to inquire about this and how it may or may not affect your marriage ceremony before assigning roles. A Catholic Wedding will be solemnized only within the celebration of the Holy Eucharist, and a mix marriage within a shortened Liturgy of the Word celebration without Mass. The readings, lectors, choristers must be arranged after discussion with the Priest-in-charge of the Church. Get a clear explanation of this prior to planning your ceremony meeting the Parish Priest.

  1. Photography Requirements

Just about every Catholic parish has its own policies on that. You want them to take pictures but you also don’t want to interrupt the sacredness of the event. The photographer intrudes when it becomes a photoshoot instead of the liturgy. Some individual priests may have rules about flash photography, while some may restrict photographers from going beyond certain points in the church, or in the celebration. So be sure to confirm with your priest and, if possible, have him brief the photographer before the wedding or during the wedding rehearsal.

  1. Music Limitations

Typically there will be an organist and a singer or a choir. Coordinate with the priest if you want a string quartet or other performers. Because most Catholic ceremonies are usually in the form of a mass, outside performers will have to play certain hymns that are part of the religious celebration. Also, you need the priest’s approval if you want a specific, hymns to be played during your wedding. Pop-songs are totally prohibited to be played during the Church ceremony be is Mass or a Word Service. The priest will confirm if and when the song can be performed during the ceremony.